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Let's see a show of hands. How many of you have fallen asleep while watching Jay Leno, and then dreamt you were being chased by a giant chin? |
Late Night Deconstruction: Week of July 3 - 9
UNDISCLOSED LOCATION -- As a service to our readers, LWN is proud to deconstruct jokes from last week's late night TV monologues.
"The White House has also said that President Bush has begun his formal process of selecting his first nominee for the Supreme Court by reviewing key rulings. Now we all like President Bush, but do you think he spends a lot of his free time reading a bunch of legal rulings? How many think President Bush's selection process falls in the category of Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe." --Jay Leno
This is funny because:
- President Bush is stupid.
- Eeny v. Meeny, Miny, and Moe was decided by an 8-1 majority opinion.
"President Bush has named former Senator Fred Thompson, he stars in NBC's Law and Order, to oversee the selection process for the Supreme Court nominee. President Bush chose an actor. He originally tried to get Screech from Saved by the Bell but apparently he was busy." --Jay Leno
This is funny because:
- President Bush is stupid.
- Everyone loves a good Screech joke.
- Nostalgically brings us back to pre-1993 days when "Saved by the Bell" ruled the airwaves.
"Everybody wondering who the Supreme Court justice is going to be? Well the White House says he may take four weeks to make his decision. Which makes sense because it took him three weeks to pick his favorite Teletubby. It was the blue one, I was going for the yellow one." --Conan O'Brien
This is funny because:
- President Bush is stupid.
- Everyone loves a good Teletubby joke.
- There is no blue Teletubby. Teletubbies are yellow, green, red, and purple.
"The White House announced that next month Dick Cheney will get a colonoscopy. In fact the last time he had one, they found one polyp and three oil company executives up there." --Jay Leno
This is funny because:
- Dick Cheney was involved in the oil industry.
- Dick Cheney's ass contains valuable deposits of crude oil but is also home to three endangered species of caribou.
- Oil company executives are the size of gerbils.
"Vice President Cheney had a medical check up. He had an electrocardiogram an echo-cardiogram and a stress test. In other words he got what doctors call the full Cheney." --Conan O'Brien
This is funny because:
- Dick Cheney has a heart condition.
- Everyone loves a good Full Monty joke.
- Nostalgically brings us back to 1997, when "The Full Monty" ruled the box office.
"Sandra Day O'Connor is retiring from the Supreme Court and now a number of special interest groups are pressuring President Bush on the selection for Supreme Court nominees. Some want Bush to nominate a women, some want a man, some want an African American, some want a Caucasian. You know what that means, who the perfect nomination is? Michael Jackson." --Jay Leno
This is funny because:
- Michael Jackson has androgynous and racially ambiguous features.
- Michael Jackson has spent enough time in court to make him a viable judicial appointment.
"President Bush visited Denmark, where he was greeted by the king and the queen. He thanked the Danes for their help in Iraq, and he also told them, 'Hey, I love your great, big dogs, too. They're terrific.'" --Jay Leno
This is funny because:
- President Bush is stupid.
- Great Dane dogs were originally bred in Germany, not Denmark.
"Yesterday the city of Paris lost the chance to host the 2012 Olympics. Apparently they're very bitter about it. Apparently the Parisians are disappointed because they were looking forward to being rude to thousands of new people." --Conan O'Brien
This is funny because:
- French people are rude.
- An Olympics hosted in Paris would only attract a few thousand people, making them a disastrous failure.
"You know whose birthday it is today? President Bush is 59 years old today. ... If you haven't gotten him a gift yet you know you can't go wrong with an exit strategy for Iraq." --Jay Leno
This is funny because:
- President Bush has no exit strategy for Iraq.
- Bush's astrological sign is Cancer.
- Cancers tend to be emotional, sensitive and easily hurt. They are imaginative and empathetic and will mirror other people's feelings back to them. People trust them and will confide in them, although they themselves are very private and keep their own feelings to themselves. A Cancer's sensitivity can make him touchy and very moody. Cancers are often reluctant to let go of the past.
"Sandra Day O'Connor announced she is retiring from the Supreme Court. She is 75 years old. That's going to be a drastic lifestyle change, you know, from sitting in the Supreme Court in a black robe all day to sitting in front of the TV in a flowered robe all day; watching Judge Judy." --Jay Leno
This is funny because:
- Old people don't do anything all day but sit in front of the TV.
- Old people wear flowered robes.
- Sandra Day O'Connor apparently owns hundreds of Judge Judy episodes, enabling her to watch the show all day long.
"There was one embarrassing moment at the White House yesterday. ... I guess when they brought out the Declaration of Independence President Bush kept looking for the treasure map on the back." --Jay Leno
This is funny because:
- President Bush is stupid.
- Nostalgically brings us back to 2004, when "National Treasure" ruled the box office.
The Real StoryIt's amazing how many jokes in a typical late night monologue are of the "This is funny because Person X has Quality Y" variety. These are lazy, cheap, easy jokes that keep a comedian in the viewer's comfort zone. I use these jokes in LWN too, but at least I feel guilty about it afterward.
In the realm of late night TV, these jokes can be recycled over and over with just a few tweaks and gratuitous hook to some current event. "President Bush is stupid" jokes go back to the 2000 campaign, but many are almost identical to the "Dan Quayle is stupid" jokes from two administrations ago. It's all the same joke, and Jay Leno has been milking it for twenty years.
Pop culture jokes can also be recycled, but there comes a time when a prudent humorist retires the Screech jokes. Don't you think? Mr. Leno, I'm looking at you.
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July 14, 2005
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If you think the air in this restaurant is full of poisons, you should try the food. |
Restaurant Wants Its Customers to Die
MARTINSVILLE, Indiana -- The owners of a Morgan County restaurant are vowing to continue pumping deadly gases into all corners of their eatery despite the ... [Continued]
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July 13, 2005
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The secret source has been identified only as a man who lives in Karl Rove's house, is married to Karl Rove's wife, and drives a car registered to Karl Rove. We will bring you this man's full name as soon as we figure it out. |
Reporters Fear to Name "the Husband of Mrs. Karl Rove"
Reporter Judith Miller was jailed last week for refusing to reveal the source of a story outing the wife of a former ambassador as a ... [Continued]
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July 12, 2005
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American Image 4.7 was popular in the 1950s, when it was portrayed by John Wayne in the film, "American Image 4.7 Cleans Up Dodge City". |
Bush Promotes American Image 7.0 Upgrade
In Scotland last week for the G8 summit, President Bush promoted an upgraded version of the American image abroad. "American Image Seven-Point-Oh marks an exciting ... [Continued]
