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March 14, 2005
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The man baked a birthday cake for his monkey-- I mean, his chimp. Er...chimpanzee? No, wait, what are we calling them now, evolutionarily-challenged primates? Darn political correctness. |
We don't tear down heroes
UNDISCLOSED LOCATION (LWN Exclusive)
Ed: Okay, story ideas for week two. Let's go around the table. Lorna? Got any Entertainment news for us?
Lorna: Dave Matthews is dumping crap on Boston and Chicago.
Ed: Good. Arthur?
Arthur: Cat hunting in Wisconsin.
Ed: Excellent. Maria?
Maria: Tiger Woods and the integrity of the universe.
Ed: Muy Bueno. Bruce?
Bruce: Chimp attack.
Ed: Sorry?
Bruce: I thought I'd start with a Planet of the Apes reference, and then segue into King Kong.
Ed: Bruce, we talked about this last week. We're not running your chimp story.
Bruce: That's what you said but just listen to this headline: "Wife: Victim tried to reason with chimps during attack" -- it's a story that begs to be ripped.
Ed: Bruce--
Bruce: The guy tried...to reason...with chimps!
Maria: Actually, I believe he was trying to distract them so they wouldn't attack his wife. It was a heroic act.
Ed: Right. We don't tear down heroes.
Bruce: But...Dave Matthews? Tiger Woods? Hello?
Ed: Entertainers aren't heroes.
Arthur: Except for Bono.
Ed: Well, sure, there's always Bono.
Arthur: And Sting. Don't forget Sting.
Ed: Okay, maybe.
Arthur: And Wil Wheaton. Did you see him on that CSI episode? Wil Wheaton rocks!
Bruce: Can we get back to my chimp story?
Ed: No.
Disclaimer: This story probably isn't true, names have been changed, and any quotes are most likely made up.
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