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March 09, 2005
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The new owner of the 69HH-sized breast implant plans to use it as a seat cushion that doubles as a flotation device. |
Notorious breast implant sold
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (Based on a real auction) -- A former topless dancer who goes by the stage name of Tawny Peaks last week auctioned one of her "crazy big" 69HH-sized breast implants on Ebay for $16,766.
These aren't just any 69HH-sized breast implants, either. These implants were once the focus of a lawsuit, Shmikonis v. Bloopers Night Club. Mr. Shmikonis alleged that he was whapped upside the head by Tawny's bosom during a bachelor party and as a result sustained bodily injury, disability, pain and suffering, disfigurement, mental anguish, lost wages, diminished earning capacity, and a loss of capacity for enjoyment of life.
Ed Koch, former mayor of New York City, presided over the case during an episode of "The People's Court." Koch found for the defendant after a careful examination of Defense Exhibit 69HH (by a female court officer, you pervert, not by Koch).
The winner was the Golden Palace Casino, so look for the implant to appear as a prop in a future episode of "CSI." Tawny plans to donate the remaining implant to augment the nation's strategic silicone reserves.
Disclaimer: This story probably isn't true, names have been changed, and any quotes are most likely made up.
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