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April 20, 2005
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The museum also found a Jackson Pollack-inspired installation in the media of feces and urine had been donated to one of the walls in the 3rd floor women's restroom. It is being appraised by a local auction house. |
Anonymous donations puzzle local museums
NEW YORK CITY, New York (after CNN) -- After instances of unauthorized art donation were uncovered last week at some of New York's largest museums, curators across the city are seeing a rash of copycat donors.
"Normally, the museum is pleased to consider donations to our collection," said Trevor Beeks, a spokesman from the Brooklyn Museum, one of four museums into which a British artist recently smuggled and hung his own paintings. "However, I can't stress strongly enough that all donations be made through traditional channels and-- Hello, what's this?"
Beeks paused to examine a refrigerator in the Egyptian gallery. "Strange, I don't remember this white metallic sarcophagus. I also don't recall a pharaoh named General Electric, and clearly those crayon drawings and fruit-shaped magnets don't belong to the 23rd Dynasty."
Beeks placed a call from his cell phone. "Beeks here. I've made a startling discovery in the Egyptology collection and need to authorize an emergency consultation. Fly them direct from Cairo and spare no expense. This could be the most important discovery since Tutankhamen's toaster!
"Is Rogers in his office? No? What about Chang? Him too? Well, what is the curator doing right now? The Renaissance Gallery? Oh, I see. No, I had no idea that Leonardo DaVinci ever made a shoebox diorama version of the Last Supper--and it doesn't appear on any of the museum inventory lists, you say? Well then yes, I can understand why the board of directors would want to fire half the staff. If we really have no documentation for a refrigerated mummy case or DaVinci's third-grade art project, it could only be due to gross incompetence in our record keeping system."
As he continued his phone conversation, Beeks walked past a man in a black jumpsuit and mask with a burlap sack over his shoulder. A hand-lettered sign taped to the wall next to the man read, "Extremely lifelike statue of an art thief (2005), artist unknown, donated from a private collector."
"Yes, sir, I understand," said Beeks. "No more artwork will come into the museum for the foreseeable future, and did I just see that statue blink?"
Disclaimer: This story probably isn't true, names have been changed, and any quotes are most likely made up.
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