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April 28, 2005
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The phenomenon of exploding toads may be the result of a scientific project to produce a bomb that catches flies. |
LWN Emergency Meeting
UNDISCLOSED LOCATION (LWN Exclusive)
Ed: All right, who called this meeting?
Bruce: I did.
Ed: Figures. What have you got for us this time, Bruce? Another chimp attack?
Bruce: Exploding toads! Toad entrails are being scattered all over Hamburg!
Lorna: Ew. I'll never eat another hamburger.
Ed: That's not last week's news. That's still this week's news. We can't report on it yet.
Bruce: Maybe you didn't hear me the first time, Ed. Toad-bombs are splattering the German countryside!
Georgiania: Maybe God is unhappy with the new German Pope. Weren't exploding toads the first plague visited upon Pharaoh and the ancient Egyptians?
Arthur: Sounds more like a terrorist plot to me. Toads as suicide bombers. The 9/11 bombers worked through a German-based terror cell, didn't they?
Maria: People don't come here for depressing terror stories, Art. I say we give this story an environmentalist slant. Amphibians are the harbingers of an ecosystem. Once they start exploding, it's only a matter of time until we get exploding birds, cats, elephants, and llamas.
Lorna: Wait, I'm confused. The food chain goes: frog-bird-cat-elephant-llama?
Maria: Didn't you know? Llamas consist almost entirely on a diet of elephant meat.
Lorna: Ew. I'll never eat another llama.
Ed: Let's run with this. We'll make it a special report, all next week. People, let's get to work!
Disclaimer: This story probably isn't true, names have been changed, and any quotes are most likely made up.
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