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May 31, 2005
If you send us something, it's ours!
So what do they call outsourcing in India? Insourcing?
May 30, 2005
Old lady abuses 911 -- 20 times!
This unfortunate incident could have been avoided if the emergency speed-dial button was programmed to call a pizzeria.
May 27, 2005
Sith Spoilers #5 of 5
A major surprise in Episode III was the crossover of the Star Wars universe with Transformers, as represented by General Grievous, a Decepticon who transforms from a Ford Explorer into a robotic mantis.
May 26, 2005
Sith Spoilers #4 of 5
Now that the Star Wars movie series is over, the action will move to the small screen. Look for Yoda to become a regular on "CSI: Miami," and watch C3PO as a judge on the next "American Idol."
May 25, 2005
Sith Spoilers #3 of 5
Episode III was the best Star Wars movie yet. I can't wait to see what they come up with for Episode IV!
May 24, 2005
Sith Spoilers #2 of 5
Portrayed in the movies by four physical actors plus one voice actor, Darth Vader is clearly either a Time Lord or a British secret agent.
May 23, 2005
Sith Spoilers #1 of 5
George Lucas has announced a prequel trilogy to his prequel trilogy. Episode Negative Two: Dance of the Wookies will open in 2007, with Episode Negative One: Indigestion of the Hutt and Episode Zero: Status Quo of the Republic to follow.
May 20, 2005
Live fast, leave a nicely dressed corpse
If you want to destroy my sweater, just hold this string as I jump off the Eiffel Tower...
May 19, 2005
There's a new rat on the menu
Scientists at first believed the newly discovered species to be rare, but have since discovered medium rare or well done varieties.
May 18, 2005
Gift to Trek fans: "Enterprise" never happened
My favorite part was when Captain Archer turned to that invisible guy and said, "Al, why haven't I leaped yet?" and the invisible guy replied, "Ziggy says there's a 98% chance you're here to destroy Star Trek."
May 17, 2005
Maria san Guadeloupe-Klein, Reporter
To make it in the news business takes more than just brains, talent, and good looks. That's the only possible explanation for why I'm here instead of on CNN.
May 16, 2005
The Future of Newspapers
In the paperless future, birdcages will be lined with LCD screens.
May 13, 2005
Random junk assembled into scientific breakthrough
The major advance in applied optical cryptography earned the team a MacGuyver Innovation Award, to be assembled from rubber bands, thumbtacks, and a paper cup in 30 seconds or less.
May 12, 2005
It's bacon!
LWN does not accept product samples in exchange for positive reviews. We demand cold hard cash.
May 11, 2005
Terror wears a dress
It seems that al-Qaeda also has a "don't ask, don't tell" recruitment policy.
May 10, 2005
North Korea builds national swimming pool
North Korean ruler Kim Jong Il is reportedly building the $60 million pool as an excuse to wear swim goggles in public.
May 09, 2005
We try not to "scoop" major news outlets
The first newspaper to own a time machine will be able to publish tomorrow's Dilbert today!
May 06, 2005
Brownie packaging puzzles, mortifies
The product's "edible baby" logo tested well among a focus group of trolls and goblins.
May 05, 2005
Runaway Bride to try again
Runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks is said to be contemplating endorsement offers from Nike, Gatorade, and new Wedding Jitters antiperspirant.
May 04, 2005
Toadsplosion 2005 - Part 3 of 3
The exploding toads of Hamburg seem almost human in their enjoyment of self-destructive behavior.
May 03, 2005
Toadsplosion 2005 - Part 2 of 3
Exploding toads also make wonderful gag gifts and party favors.
May 02, 2005
Toadsplosion 2005 - Part 1 of 3
Kermit the Frog once said that it's not easy being green. It's also not easy to swell up like a balloon and blow your internal organs all over the pond.