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May 12, 2005
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LWN does not accept product samples in exchange for positive reviews. We demand cold hard cash. |
It's bacon!
And now, a word from our sponsor...Bacon Strips brand adhesive bandages!
Cut yourself shaving?
Skinned your knee on the playground?
Bleeding from a gaping bullet wound?
Stop your bawling and reach for Bacon Strips, the only adhesive strip with the healing power of raw pork!
Only Bacon Strips provides wound coverage that doubles as an emergency source of low-carb nutrition. And for a limited time, every metal tin of 15 Bacon Strips comes with a free toy! Hooray for Bacon Strips, from the makers of Beef Jerky Bedpans.
(Warning: Bacon Strips should not be worn in the vicinity of dogs, wolves, mountain lions, or bears.)
LWN is also sponsored by new USBarbie, the headless doll with a mechanical brain.
This is not your mommy's dolly.
Defying the decades-held reputation for being a bimbo with unrealistic body proportions, this Barbie has been put to work as a hip and ironic computer peripheral.
Equipped with 256 or 512Mb of flash memory, USBarbie will store your documents, MP3s, and photos. Her neck plugs into any computer's USB port, and she's even good at math!
Finally, for fans of the popular Star Wars movies, LWN is proud to recommend Darth Tater, Evil Potato of the Sith.
Darth Tater's configurable parts (lightsaber, helmet, cape, and respirator) are interchangeable with those of other potato-headed dolls: Luke Spudwalker, Princess Lay's-ah, Han Tato, Chipbaka, and Emperor Palpatato.
And Tater's potato body will resemble the screen villain more and more as it turns black, rots from the inside, and plots to destroy the rebel alliance.
Disclaimer: This story probably isn't true, names have been changed, and any quotes are most likely made up.
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