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May 03, 2005
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Exploding toads also make wonderful gag gifts and party favors. |
Toadsplosion 2005 - Part 2 of 3
ALTONA, Germany (LWN Exclusive) -- Bruce Jipson, in Germany to investigate the exploding toads of Hamburg, has found a few good things that have come out of last week's ecological disaster.
The gut-splattering amphibians are being used in a game called toadball, which is something like European futbol, or the American game of soccer. Teams kick a bloated puffed-up toad back and forth across a field until it explodes. Then, the referee gives the toad a red card and ejects it from the game. After two thirty-minute halves, the team with the bloodiest uniforms wins. So far, six men's teams have formed a Professional Toadball League, and women's teams are organizing for next summer.
Also, local inventors are using exploding toads as a fuel source for cars and trucks. When the internal toadbustion engine is perfected, it's expected to reduce Germany's reliance on imported oil by up to 30%. Toyota is funding research into a gasoline-toad hybrid vehicle, which should hit the market in 2007. At this point, the main problem is storing the live flies needed to keep the engine alive when it's not in motion.
Most promising, however, are the potential military applications. Pound for pound, the exploding toads are three times more potent than TNT. Field testing begins next month on a gun capable of launching six toads per second with a range of 300 meters. The toad guns could be deployed to Iraq sometime between now and the projected end of U.S. occupation in late 2071.
Disclaimer: This story probably isn't true, names have been changed, and any quotes are most likely made up.
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