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June 15, 2005
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Strangely enough, Damien Smith's fifth grade teacher always suspected the boy was half demon. |
Adopted man learns he is a demonic prince
BOISE, Idaho (By request) -- Damien Smith knew finding his biological father would change his life, but he wasn't prepared for the letter he received at the end of his search:
"Welcome to the family!" the letter read. "All the denizens of Hell rejoice in finding our long lost son, praise Satan!"
Damien was born after a relationship developed between Louise O'Brennan, a California college student, and Dark Lord Pulsivier, a young hellion who'd come to Earth to sew the seeds of mortal destruction while pursuing his master's degree in education. Damien was given up for adoption and raised by the Smith family in Boise, Idaho.
Damien was happy with his life as a mortgage broker in suburban Boise, and uninterested in finding his birth parents. But his wife and children encouraged him to look. By chance, his birth mother found him first, unexpectedly appearing at Damien's front door one day with a bible and a jug of holy water. After turning her bones to charcoal with his fiery breath, Damien started looking for his father.
Then came the letter revealing that Damien's father was now Chief Torturer of Souls in the South Central region of Hades. As the chief's first-born son, Damien was in line to inherit the revered traditional leadership position.
With a nervous heart, Damien traveled to Hades to meet the father he never knew. Jon Green, a writer for Satanic Living magazine, accompanied Damien on his visit.
"Demons were dancing around geysers of brimstone, treating Damien as though he were some kind of Dark Messiah destined to lead the minions of evil to victory over the cities of mankind," Green said. "Other than that it was just like the Green Family Reunions my folks used to drag me to every summer."
Damien, who never knew any blood relatives, met his six hundred maggot-shaped siblings, his twelve-eyed stepmother, and a hideous collection of aunts, uncles and cousins.
As Dark Lord Pulsiver's firstborn son, Damien is now recognized as a future leader of the damned, destined to betray and murder his father and assume his position. One day Smith's 6-year-old son, DJ, will do the same.
"I'm still learning so much about this," Damien said. "It was a complete surprise, but totally explains why I have these fangs, horns, and bright red skin."
Disclaimer: This story probably isn't true, names have been changed, and any quotes are most likely made up.
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