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June 16, 2005
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And then the Archbishop of Canterbury said: "No, I was talking to the duck!" Bwahaha! Bwahaha! Bwahahahaha! (We are so going to hell for this story.) |
Parody archbishop slams parody website
LONDON, England (Based on a true story) -- A man made up as the Archbishop of Canterbury last week criticized web-based parody news sites for creating "paranoid fantasy, self-indulgent nonsense and dangerous bigotry." Singling out the wildly popular Last Week's News website, the parody Archbishop described a free-for-all atmosphere bordering on that of "an unpoliced conversation."
In a lecture to media pretenders, fake politicians, and phony church leaders at a replica of Lambeth Palace in London, the "Archbishop" wondered whether a balance could be struck between the professionalism of the BBC and the relative disorder of LWN.
"Packaging news as parody inhibits the public from becoming engaged with issues and understanding them," said the faux religious icon.
"For example, the very quote you are reading has been judiciously fabricated by the editors of the Last Week's News website to render me as an even more pompous windbag than the man upon which I am based. In the process, readers are disengaged from a deeper understanding of the real Archbishop's idiotic babblings, knowing him only from a parallel online universe where his nonsensical statements have been deconstructed for the purposes of entertainment."
LWN Editorial Director Ed Dir then rose from his third row seat and approached the podium for a rebuttal: "I know you are, but what am I?"
Pretending outrage, the pretend Archbishop countered: "Sir, if your profession indeed performs the necessary job of informing the populace, some aspects your practice are lethally damaging to that noble duty and contribute to an embarrassingly low level of public trust."
Dir responded by pulling down his pants and shaking his butt at the red-faced leader of the phony church. Then the moderator called time and reporters in attendance retired to a spin-doctoring reception with finger sandwiches.
Final score: LWN-1; Archbishop of Canterbury-0.
Disclaimer: This story probably isn't true, names have been changed, and any quotes are most likely made up.
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