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June 22, 2005
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When Mike Tyson was two years old and biting the ears off his favorite teddy bear, his parents thought the boy might be teething. "No, I'm therious," Tyson corrected them. |
Mike Tyson really bites
WASHINGTON, D.C. (Based on a true story) -- During his legendary boxing career, Mike Tyson used his teeth almost as often as his fists. In the third round of an infamous 1997 bout, Tyson chewed off a piece of Evander Holyfield's ear. In a 1999 training incident, Tyson swallowed three of his sparring partner's fingers. At a 2002 press conference, Tyson bit Lennox Lewis on the leg. And at a 2004 home appliance show, Tyson slathered K.C. Masterpiece sauce on George Forman's head and attempted to grill him.
Most recently, during last week's fight against Kevin McBride, Tyson wrapped his teeth around McBride's left nipple and bit down hard.
"It's okay because I never use that nipple for anything anyway," said a gracious McBride after winning the bout. "But if Tyson were about two feet shorter, that could have been a problem."
When asked for an explanation Tyson replied, "I was desperate. Also, I wanted to win. Also, I hadn't eaten since lunch. Also, I like the taste of human flesh. Also, my attorney has advised me not to say anything else on this topic."
Tyson then thanked McBride for not pressing charges and for being "so delicious" about the whole incident.
Later that night, Tyson formally announced his retirement from the sport of boxing. "I'm going to devote myself to travel, writing my memoirs, and eating raw foods that are still squirming. Also, look for my new diet book to hit the shelves this fall. The Iron Mike Diet is high in protein, high in skin, and high in blood."
Tyson ends his career with 50 wins, 6 losses, and 10 fights in which no decision could be rendered because Tyson ate the referee.
Disclaimer: This story probably isn't true, names have been changed, and any quotes are most likely made up.
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