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July 05, 2005
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The man ate 15 pounds of hotdogs and two tons of people without gaining an ounce. Me, if I even look at a slice of bread I need to let my belt out three notches. |
Eating Champ Consumes 49 Hotdogs and 17 Competitors
BROOKLYN, New York -- An eating contest devolved into an afternoon of carnage as the reigning champion gulped down 49 hotdogs and 17 of his fellow competitors in a 12-minute sitting. Takoshi Kobayama, 27, of Nagano, Japan, was declared the winner by default after all other entrants disappeared into his physics-defying gullet.
"It was a sickening display but also quite impressive," said one spectator. "That little Asian guy gulped down a dozen hotdogs and rolls. Then he reached over and pulled this big 300-pound dude across the table. After that, well, have you ever seen a snake unhinge its jaw to swallow a rabbit? Yeah, it was something like that."
The victory was Kobayama's fifth straight in the annual contest, sponsored by Nathan's hotdog restaurant. It was, however, the first time Kobayama won by consuming the other entrants. "You've got to give him props for coming up with such an innovative strategy," said contest organizer Arnold Nathan.
Kobayama holds the world record for most hotdogs eaten in 12 minutes or less. Last year he ate 53.5 of them. This year he only managed 49, but judges were unsure whether to also count the hotdogs eaten by the people Kobayama ate. "We're still trying to come up with a rule for that," said contest judge Betsy Gripe. "Some of the others disagree, but it seems to me that vicarious hotdog consumption should count for something."
After the event, Kobayama appeared relaxed and satiated. "I took the advice of my coach," Kobayama told reporters. "He said the best path to victory is to eliminate all competition. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must retire to the bathroom and eliminate my competition."
The Real StoryI don't care what anyone says, competitive eating is not a sport.
Also not a sport: the competitive wearing of a swimsuit.
It would be real trouble if these two activities were somehow combined into a single event.
Disclaimer: This story probably isn't true, names have been changed, and any quotes are most likely made up.
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