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July 07, 2005

Last Week's News

And if you don't like it, you can write your own damn news story too!

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Lazy Ad Agency: "Write Your Own Damn Slogan!"

MANHATTAN, New York -- New York based Adcandy is in line for this year's Lazy Ad Agency of the Year award after pawning off its creative work onto the general public. Adcandy provides clients with slogans, marketing ideas, and artwork submitted through a series of online contests, turning a plot device from a 1950 episode of the Jack Benny radio program into a patent-pending business practice for the 21st Century.

The LWN staff took a crack at three challenges currently offered on the Adcandy website. Our natural brilliance and creativity guarantee that you will soon see these ideas translated into multimillion dollar advertising campaigns. Meanwhile, we'll be enjoying our $25 gift certificates to Amazon.com.

Our first challenge, "Style in the City", required us to name a niche demographic targeted by FarylRobin Footwear. After careful analysis of the FarylRobin shoe catalog, we not only developed a name for the niche but a way for potential customers to determine whether or not it applies to them.

Are You a Poserette?
Take this fun quiz and find out!
  1. Do you care what other people think about you?
    1. Other people can kiss my butt!
    2. I have no sense of self and exist only in the minds of others.
  2. Do you consider yourself fashionable?
    1. I make my own fashions by being myself and wearing whatever I like.
    2. Each season I buy a dozen fashion magazines and use them as my guides to life.
  3. Do you like famous designers?
    1. Let me get this straight. You want me to turn my body into a walking billboard? How much are you going to pay me?
    2. I would kill my own mother for the honor and privilege of wearing a designer's name across my chest.
  4. Are you a fan of "Sex and the City"?
    1. I've never heard of that. Is it a porn video?
    2. I've seen every episode a zillion times and can recite all the lines in cute little voices. Also, I've written an original screenplay in case they ever want to do a movie.
  5. Can you afford designer clothes and shoes?
    1. That bag is only $500? I've got that in the cushions of my couch.
    2. I'm a recent college grad who can barely scrape together enough to buy a cheap Coach knockoff.
  6. Are you a woman?
    1. No...but can't I still get some stylin' shoes to go with this blue dress?
    2. Let me check...yup, still an innie.

If you answered "b" to the questions above, proceed directly to FarylRobin Footwear!

Our second assignment was to create a new slogan for a national hamburger chain. This was tricky because the particular chain wasn't named, but as a hint we were told not to include "King" or "Royal" in the slogan.

It could only be McDonald's, looking to improve its current nonsensical slogan: "Butter, bup-bup-bup, I'm lovin' it!" We chose a modest alteration and once again went above and beyond the call by including a jingle:

McDonalds: I'm Eatin' It

I'm eatin' it! I have no choice.
Ronald pulled me aside and I heard his voice!
I'm eatin' it! And that's no lie.
Wash it down with a Coke and a bucket of fries!
I'm eatin' it! Hope I don't get sick.
Like last week when I puked up a gallon of ick!
I'm eatin' it! What can I say?
It tastes like crap but I'm eatin' it anyway!

Butter, bup-bup-bup, I'm eatin' it!

Finally, we were asked to view a trailer for an upcoming movie, The Da Vinci Code, and come up with a slogan. Again, no sweat.

The Da Vinci Code: It's kinda like National Treasure, but good enough to see in the theater.

If the website generates enough creative talent, look for Adcandy to begin outsourcing mundane administrative tasks with contests like "Alphebetize these files", "Do our taxes", and "Take a memo".

The Real Story

There's actually another contest not on the Adcandy site that can be found on Craigslist: "Write a news story about Adcandy". They obviously weren't expecting anything like this.

We don't expect them to pay us for calling them lazy, but "Write your own damn slogan" is theirs to use if they want it.

Disclaimer: This story probably isn't true, names have been changed, and any quotes are most likely made up.

Mar 07, 2005: Gigantic sea critter dies July 06, 2005: All Photos of Ugly Girl Must Be Destroyed July 07, 2005: Special Report: Terror Blasts in London Today: The latest entry

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