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July 13, 2005
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The secret source has been identified only as a man who lives in Karl Rove's house, is married to Karl Rove's wife, and drives a car registered to Karl Rove. We will bring you this man's full name as soon as we figure it out. |
Reporters Fear to Name "the Husband of Mrs. Karl Rove"
Reporter Judith Miller was jailed last week for refusing to reveal the source of a story outing the wife of a former ambassador as a CIA operative. Miller's fate served as a warning to her colleagues, as media outlets struggled to report on the story without identifying the alleged source by name.
The Washington Post identified the source only as "a man whose name rhymes with Starl Stove."
The New York Times referred to the source as "a man who was born on Christmas Day in 1950 in Denver but whose family moved to Salt Lake City when he was in high school and who there worked as an intern for the Utah Republican Party during which time he broke into the campaign office of a Democratic candidate and stole campaign letterhead which he then used to print offensive fliers to distribute at rock concerts and homeless shelters."
Newsweek merely referred to the source as "the husband of Mrs. Karl Rove."
"Identifying the source only in terms of his or her spouse is a practice that protects us from all liability," explained a senior Newsweek editor whose husband is financial analyst Roger Blake. "The husband of Mrs. Karl Rove recently used that as his excuse in the Valerie Plame matter, so it's good enough for me too."
There was agreement from a CNN anchor who is married to a florist named Linda Banks. "There's every possibility that Mrs. Karl Rove has a secret harem of husbands, making it impossible to know which husband the Newsweek story refers to."
"You don't think that's likely?" the spouse of Mrs. Banks asked. "Tell me, have you ever met Mrs. Karl Rove? That woman is insatiable!"
Investigation is ongoing as to whether the leak was intentional, whether it put any lives in danger, whether it threatened the security of the United States, and whether it was directed by somebody higher up in the chain of command, perhaps even the husband of Laura Bush herself.
The Real StorySee, this is why James Bond never married. Well, except for Diana Rigg, but that only lasted for a few minutes of screen time. If she'd survived longer, some British politician might have used her against 007...
"I don't know why Contessa Teresa Di Vicenzo Bond would be in Niger investigating reports that Saddam Hussein tried to buy yellowcake. Perhaps it has something to do with her husband. He's with MI6, I believe."
The question of the day seems to be whether Bush should fire Rove for leaking Plame's identity. Personally, I don't think it will happen. If you're a political advisor to the president, endangering national security is just part of the job description.
Disclaimer: This story probably isn't true, names have been changed, and any quotes are most likely made up.
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