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July 14, 2005
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If you think the air in this restaurant is full of poisons, you should try the food. |
Restaurant Wants Its Customers to Die
MARTINSVILLE, Indiana -- The owners of a Morgan County restaurant are vowing to continue pumping deadly gases into all corners of their eatery despite the threat of a lawsuit for refusing to comply with the county's recently imposed environmental restrictions.
The southern Indiana county's ordinance against indoor poisoned air took effect in January. It allows restaurants to kill customers with toxic gases over an extended period of time, but only if those customers have a chance to retreat into a separately ventilated area filled with relatively clean air.
Bill Walton and Lana Durkin, owners of Chuck's Restaurant of Death, have been fined $200 for refusing to comply with the ordinance. A note posted on the restaurant's door spells out their position.
"This restaurant wants you to die. If this offends you, please feel free to visit one of our competitors," the sign reads. "If you choose to come in, then you enter at your own risk. Thank You."
The Morgan County Board of Health is poised to file a lawsuit against the restaurant's owners for noncompliance with the ordinance and refusing to pay the fine.
Walton's lawyer advised him not to talk to the media about the issue.
A jar on the restaurant's counter collects change for "attorney fees and fines for court to fight the ban on poisoned air," according to a handwritten label.
Regular customers at the restaurant say the ordinance limits their personal freedom.
Burt Alverez, a 62-year-old retired factory worker, comes into Chuck's almost every morning, and doesn't mind the poisonous vapors.
"I have been eating in this toxic atmosphere for years," he said. "I have a right to stupidly endanger my life, or to stagger toward the exit if the burning sensation in my throat becomes too much to bear. I just don't think the government has a right to protect people from toxins in their air, water, and food."
Dr. Jacob Richards, Morgan County's health officer, said the department has notified the owners at least twice about violations.
"He is in violation now, and we are intending to pursue it with a lawsuit to get a court injunction because he continues to kill people," Reynolds said.
If Chuck's does not abide by a court-imposed injunction, he said its owners could be held in contempt of court, and a judge would determine the penalty.
"It comes down to them being defiant," Richards said.
Waitress Kelly Firrero said that if a day in court arrives, "we are closing down and we are all going to court. Everyone that works here will be there. Unless we're dead by then, of course."
The Real StoryA while back, my hometown passed an anti-smoking ordinance a whole lot stronger than the one in this story. That one only requires a non-smoking area with separate ventilation, while ours bans smoking entirely from all restaurants and bars.
Some business owners predicted the ban would put them out of business as smokers either stayed home or left town. But as it turned out, the urge to eat, drink, and socialize is higher on the hierarchy of needs than the urge to inhale carcinogens. People around here go out as much as ever, and smokers are relegated to sidewalks and gutters as befits a group of increasingly marginalized social outcasts.
In the long term, the reduction in second-hand smoke will mean better health and lower health care costs for everyone.
Disclaimer: This story probably isn't true, names have been changed, and any quotes are most likely made up.
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