| News stories are like hotdogs...if you knew how they were made, you probably wouldn't eat them. |
July 07, 2005
Special Report: Terror Blasts in London
And so it goes. And so it goes.
July 01, 2005
June 2005 Retractions
Statistically proving that June is as good of a month to screw up as any other.
June 30, 2005
Lorna Swansong, Entertainment Reporter
Let me tell you something about Baby Moffet. I know Baby Moffet. I was Baby Moffet. And Thamantha Thmithee...you're no Baby Moffet!
June 20, 2005
LWN apologizes to Michael Jackson
FYI, this isn't a real LWN staff meeting. It's a transcript-based reinactment on the E! entertainment network.
June 06, 2005
We follow a code of ethics
If they really wanted me to follow a code of ethics, they wouldn't have written it in code.
June 02, 2005
LWN refuses to identify anonymous source as Jason Bollinger
Ed's so dumb, he thinks an anonymous source is something you put on spaghetti.
June 01, 2005
Retractions: May 2005
We were just full of it this month. The "it" in question being "a lax approach to accuracy in our reporting".
May 31, 2005
If you send us something, it's ours!
So what do they call outsourcing in India? Insourcing?
May 17, 2005
Maria san Guadeloupe-Klein, Reporter
To make it in the news business takes more than just brains, talent, and good looks. That's the only possible explanation for why I'm here instead of on CNN.
May 09, 2005
We try not to "scoop" major news outlets
The first newspaper to own a time machine will be able to publish tomorrow's Dilbert today!
May 04, 2005
Toadsplosion 2005 - Part 3 of 3
The exploding toads of Hamburg seem almost human in their enjoyment of self-destructive behavior.
May 03, 2005
Toadsplosion 2005 - Part 2 of 3
Exploding toads also make wonderful gag gifts and party favors.
May 02, 2005
Toadsplosion 2005 - Part 1 of 3
Kermit the Frog once said that it's not easy being green. It's also not easy to swell up like a balloon and blow your internal organs all over the pond.
April 28, 2005
LWN Emergency Meeting
The phenomenon of exploding toads may be the result of a scientific project to produce a bomb that catches flies.
April 11, 2005
Bruce Jipson, Senior Anchor
I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to-- Oh, look. Here's another story about monkeys!
April 04, 2005
Our New Name
I don't mind that the company's changing its name, but what am I supposed to do with all these business cards?
April 01, 2005
Retractions: March 2005
Some of the stories we told in March weren't completely misleading or inaccurate, but not even we can be perfect all the time.
March 31, 2005
Dating in the Zeroes - Part 4 of 4
In previous decades we had cool things like sock hops, disco balls, and mosh pits. The future promises sexbots, zero-G romps, and the million-mile-high club. Today's singles were clearly born in the wrong decade.
March 30, 2005
Dating in the Zeroes - Part 3 of 4
With texting, email, blogs, and picture phones, there are more ways to be rejected and humiliated today than ever before.
March 29, 2005
Dating in the Zeroes - Part 2 of 4
After a month of "hooking up" it's time for the next step--asking him what his name is.
March 28, 2005
Dating in the Zeroes - Part 1 of 4
I'm looking forward to doing a field report, getting out from behind this desk, and finding out whether or not I actually have legs.
March 25, 2005
Pitch Meeting: Dating in the Zeroes
It's hard to remember when I had my last real date, but it involved a treehouse and a spinning bottle.
March 21, 2005
We don't run beautiful, positive, life-affirming stories
Chimp attacks are comedy gold. Groin injuries are comedy platinum. This story is a comedy alloy I've dubbed "goldinum".
March 14, 2005
We don't tear down heroes
The man baked a birthday cake for his monkey-- I mean, his chimp. Er...chimpanzee? No, wait, what are we calling them now, evolutionarily-challenged primates? Darn political correctness.