| Sometimes the mainstream media makes our job just too easy. |
July 07, 2005
Lazy Ad Agency: "Write Your Own Damn Slogan!"
And if you don't like it, you can write your own damn news story too!
July 06, 2005
All Photos of Ugly Girl Must Be Destroyed
I'd say the girl might be scarred for life by learning how ugly she is, but that would be redundant.
July 05, 2005
Eating Champ Consumes 49 Hotdogs and 17 Competitors
The man ate 15 pounds of hotdogs and two tons of people without gaining an ounce. Me, if I even look at a slice of bread I need to let my belt out three notches.
June 22, 2005
Mike Tyson really bites
When Mike Tyson was two years old and biting the ears off his favorite teddy bear, his parents thought the boy might be teething. "No, I'm therious," Tyson corrected them.
June 21, 2005
Two helicopters disappear into mysterious East River Triangle
The East River Triangle is similar to the famed Bermuda Triangle, but not as much fun to swim in.
June 16, 2005
Parody archbishop slams parody website
And then the Archbishop of Canterbury said: "No, I was talking to the duck!" Bwahaha! Bwahaha! Bwahahahaha!
(We are so going to hell for this story.)
June 15, 2005
Adopted man learns he is a demonic prince
Strangely enough, Damien Smith's fifth grade teacher always suspected the boy was half demon.
May 12, 2005
It's bacon!
LWN does not accept product samples in exchange for positive reviews. We demand cold hard cash.
May 11, 2005
Terror wears a dress
It seems that al-Qaeda also has a "don't ask, don't tell" recruitment policy.
May 03, 2005
Toadsplosion 2005 - Part 2 of 3
Exploding toads also make wonderful gag gifts and party favors.
May 02, 2005
Toadsplosion 2005 - Part 1 of 3
Kermit the Frog once said that it's not easy being green. It's also not easy to swell up like a balloon and blow your internal organs all over the pond.
April 29, 2005
Seeya later, aligator
To put this animal's massive size in perspective, a two-thousand pound crocodile is larger than 39 fifty-pound elephants and a toy poodle.
April 28, 2005
LWN Emergency Meeting
The phenomenon of exploding toads may be the result of a scientific project to produce a bomb that catches flies.
April 26, 2005
Time traveler attends "once in a lifetime event" for the third time
The Time Traveler Convention, if successful, will be held again at exactly the same time.
April 21, 2005
Future king's past wife haunts fairytale wedding
And so, the aging big-eared prince kissed the adulterous divorcee and turned her into a princess. And they lived happily ever after, the end.
April 20, 2005
Anonymous donations puzzle local museums
The museum also found a Jackson Pollack-inspired installation in the media of feces and urine had been donated to one of the walls in the 3rd floor women's restroom. It is being appraised by a local auction house.
April 08, 2005
National Geographic debunks photo of giant pig, tiny man
Hogzilla will play opposite Shelob in an all-monster remake of Charlotte's Web.
March 21, 2005
We don't run beautiful, positive, life-affirming stories
Chimp attacks are comedy gold. Groin injuries are comedy platinum. This story is a comedy alloy I've dubbed "goldinum".
March 15, 2005
Dave Matthews dumps on fans
Poo dumped from the Dave Matthews Band tour bus is certified organic, gluten-free, soy-based, and contains no genetically modified organisms.
March 14, 2005
We don't tear down heroes
The man baked a birthday cake for his monkey-- I mean, his chimp. Er...chimpanzee? No, wait, what are we calling them now, evolutionarily-challenged primates? Darn political correctness.
March 09, 2005
Notorious breast implant sold
The new owner of the 69HH-sized breast implant plans to use it as a seat cushion that doubles as a flotation device.
March 07, 2005
Gigantic sea critter dies
War hero, moonshine bootlegger, crustacean. Bubba the Lobster was all these things and more...