| If you really are what you eat, I must be composed almost entirely out of nachos and cold pizza. |
July 14, 2005
Restaurant Wants Its Customers to Die
If you think the air in this restaurant is full of poisons, you should try the food.
July 05, 2005
Eating Champ Consumes 49 Hotdogs and 17 Competitors
The man ate 15 pounds of hotdogs and two tons of people without gaining an ounce. Me, if I even look at a slice of bread I need to let my belt out three notches.
June 24, 2005
Saddam Hussein tortured with clean underwear and Froot Loops
Saddam got to know his young American guards and even offered dating advice. His upcoming advice column, "Ask a Deposed Iraqi Dictator," will be syndicated in 350 newspapers worldwide.
June 22, 2005
Mike Tyson really bites
When Mike Tyson was two years old and biting the ears off his favorite teddy bear, his parents thought the boy might be teething. "No, I'm therious," Tyson corrected them.
May 30, 2005
Old lady abuses 911 -- 20 times!
This unfortunate incident could have been avoided if the emergency speed-dial button was programmed to call a pizzeria.
May 19, 2005
There's a new rat on the menu
Scientists at first believed the newly discovered species to be rare, but have since discovered medium rare or well done varieties.
May 12, 2005
It's bacon!
LWN does not accept product samples in exchange for positive reviews. We demand cold hard cash.
May 06, 2005
Brownie packaging puzzles, mortifies
The product's "edible baby" logo tested well among a focus group of trolls and goblins.
April 22, 2005
Government unveils edible food pyramids
Looking at the Food Pyramid made me hungry, but thankfully there was a hotdog stand nearby.
April 19, 2005
The Burger King's phat new sandwich
For patrons unable to open their jaws wide enough to eat Burger King's new Enormous Omelet Sandwich, the item will also come in a suppository form.
April 13, 2005
Apple Jack life-cycle enters new phase
In a related story, the marshmallow bits in Lucky Charms don't taste anything like orange stars, blue moons, green clovers, or purple horseshoes.