| Your tax dollars at work! |
July 13, 2005
Reporters Fear to Name "the Husband of Mrs. Karl Rove"
The secret source has been identified only as a man who lives in Karl Rove's house, is married to Karl Rove's wife, and drives a car registered to Karl Rove. We will bring you this man's full name as soon as we figure it out.
July 12, 2005
Bush Promotes American Image 7.0 Upgrade
American Image 4.7 was popular in the 1950s, when it was portrayed by John Wayne in the film, "American Image 4.7 Cleans Up Dodge City".
June 23, 2005
CIA chief too busy to catch bin Laden
Other secrets Porter Goss has been meaning to tell include the whereabouts of Jimmy Hoffa, the true assassin of John F. Kennedy, and the secret formula for Coca Cola.
June 10, 2005
College records reveal Kerry and Bush the same person
Kerry's perceived intellectual edge lost him votes from all the people who like to feel like they know more about how to run the free world than the leader of the free world.
June 03, 2005
Deep Throat comes clean, now that most people no longer care
New methods of tonsil-based identification meant the end of Deep Throat's secret identity.
April 22, 2005
Government unveils edible food pyramids
Looking at the Food Pyramid made me hungry, but thankfully there was a hotdog stand nearby.
March 23, 2005
For $50 more, a virtual champagne christening ceremony!
The high bidder plans to name the cruise ship "Tonsil Fungus" after his favorite garage band. A disappointed runner-up wanted to call it "The S.S. George W. Bush Laughs Like Muttley."
March 11, 2005
Head spook loses it
After a cup of herbal tea and a nice hot soak, CIA Director Porter Goss finally felt relaxed enough to brief the President on North Korea.